Most Days Are Good Days

Once upon a time, I would have said achievement doesn't bring happiness. Happiness comes from within. It's downstream of perspective.

I must not have believed it. I had ambition and drive because some part of me wanted to get somewhere. But the closer I got, the less happy I became. From up close, my goals seemed hollow, and I felt empty.

So I quit having goals. Surely, without a goal, I would learn to live in the moment and be happy. That worked for a while. Eventually, though, the lack of direction left me feeling empty again.

Okay, I thought. We can want something but recognize that the joy is in the journey. Live in the moment while aiming at a dream. But it's impossible to forget dreams don't measure up. And now the emptiness doesn't wait until the dream is in sight. It's simply there, always.

Every once in a while, I have a day where it's all I see. Even so, most days are good days. Despite the void beneath my feet, life has family and friends, problems to solve, stories to read, good food, laughter, and fun. But I can always see the shadow. I shouldn't think about it any more than I think about the sun going down, but I do.